Turn the Page


I have been procrastinating on the blog front in the hopes that these blues would let me go, but, alas, they seem to be hanging around this time, so we will be pressing forward in the hopes that if the funk is here to stay, we may as well blog through it.

The holidays were here and are (blessedly) gone leaving a wake of pine needles, wrapping carnage, leftover cookies and candy, empty bottles, new food resolutions (could I have eaten more crap this month?), and more boxes than I can possibly break down and recycle in a month.  It was a flurry of hither and yon, one fantastic morning at my mommas, one glorious evening of quiet with the boy, a fire, and a great dinner for our first married Christmas, and New Year's Eve with wonderful friends.  Everything else I could certainly have lived without.  And there seemed to be a lot of "everything else" for some reason this year.

As I sit here on the first day of the New Year, I have a growing need to declutter (pantry, closets, fridge, calendar) and put the past year to bed, as we all do.  Except I don't really want to organize it into those tidy packages of  "Lessons Learned" this time like I normally do.  I don't want to spend time figuring out what went wrong where, or how I feel about it all.  It seems I have been mired in it for far too long as it is.  I don't really want to look at it any more.  I don't want to think about it anymore.  I just want to close the door on it, to turn the page on it.  I just want it...gone.  And that is what I think I will do.

I have a "gift", as it were, of being able to turn things off in my head.  It is a great trait I inherited from my father.  I am a master of "Oh that is not at all about me.  I'll move on."  My mother marvels at it.  Mostly because she is a worrier.  My husband shakes his head at it.  Mostly because he is a catastrophizer.  But my father totally gets it.  Mostly because he is exactly the same.  I don't want to think about car accidents, cancelled trips, growing financial debt, aging loved ones, family dramas, or any of the other 99,895 failings from the past year.  I just want a fresh slate.  A clean page in the notebook.  While this is about me, I think I will try turning that other voice off in my head and declutter awhile.  I reckon that is what the New Year is really about, no?

I wish you all the gift of turning the page- at least for awhile- this year.  Don't listen to failures anymore than you have to.  I'm going to just press forward.  It's too hard to live it the first time.  There is certainly no need to relive it all.  I am going to focus on the blank page, think about what is going on that page before I start, about what I really want it to be, and then I will have at it, friends.  It's a New Year, after all.  If it's wrong, I'll just turn the page again.  

     

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2 comments

  1. I love your blog! I wish I had the ability to "turn off" all of the heaviness of my life. I am a worrier too and the only time I can stop the constant movement of mind is when I am drinking wine. Hmm, maybe I have found the solution? Happy New Year and thanks for sharing your thoughts in your blog.

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  2. How wonderful to "turn the page" when you have the ability to write so beautifully on the fresh one! Here's to all the fun and fascinating stories to be woven throughout 2012!

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