You are SUCH a GIRL!!

At some point in my years I learned the hard lesson (time and time again it seemed) that girls can just be huge bitches to each other.  Jealousies, petty disagreements, boyfriend disputes, and the time honored tradition of socially destroying each other was a really tough row to hoe.  It happened at one time or another to most everyone I knew.  Some more than others.  I have always had a hard time with close girl friends.  I never fully trusted them.  It was like waiting for the rain to come or the other shoe to drop or whatever metaphor you would like to use for "disastrous emotional betrayal is around the next corner" (dramatic much?  Sheesh).  I did not ever feel like they were family to me (not for very long anyway) or that they loved me the way that I loved them or that we could see eye to eye about the rules of how a friendship is supposed to go.  It presented me with some challenges in the friend department.  It shaped who I was very early and led to some addiction issues.  If who I was wasn't good enough, then I would create another girl to be.  You think I am not good enough now?  Just wait.  I can be really bad.  You think I am that way already.  I might as well go ahead do what I am being accused of anyway.  Thank goodness most of that mess that didn't last too long.

Out of college I reconnected with a BFF with whom I had gone to high school.  She called bullshit on some things with me early on and we have had to frequently tell each other the brutal truth about bad behaviors or victim mentalities, but we began the sometimes rocky and mostly awesome road of a girl friendship.  That was 17 years ago.  Girl friendships are not easy relationships, but we try very hard to be good to one another.  It has been one of the most valuable friendships I have ever had, I truly love her like family (in fact, she is a member of my chosen family), and cannot fathom my life without her.  My chest gets tight thinking about that.

Marni Rothschild Photography
Since then I have had other circles of girlfriends and a few other friends that have resurfaced from the past that have become truly remarkable friends to me.  I am not sure how one girl is lucky enough to find more than one true friend in a lifetime.  There is great comfort to me in a friendship with history.  I love it when someone knows of my train wrecks from the past (and present in some cases) and still loves me in spite of them.  I was listening to someone recently that said, "Sometimes folks are put in your life for a season and sometimes they are there for a lifetime.  It is important to know which they are."   I think I am doing better with taking it less personally when friends are in my life for a season (or a few seasons).  I hope that I am able to do better at appreciating and celebrating our time together no matter how short or long it is.  At least I am working on that.

This past week I hosted my very own girl party.  I have a group of truly amazing women (not the first to come through our building, that's for sure) that I work with that have held me afloat this past year in more ways that I can even begin to describe.  I don't know yet whether they are here for a season or a lifetime, but I wanted to show my appreciation and immense gratitude for their love and support.  We had a ball.  There were party favors and food and drinks and water gun fights with the kids that ended in soaking wet hose wars and as much laughter as we could possibly fit into an afternoon.  I wanted to be with them and not in the kitchen so I decided on a plattered Tuna Nicoise Salad and some bread and cheeses.  And of course Bellinis cause it's me...and summer.  For dessert we had Chocolate and Vanilla Creme Brulees and I believe we all could've had a big, fat nap after it was said and done.  Such a fun afternoon.  

I acquired a beautiful copper platter (of sorts) from some family that knows I love anything old and that has a story.  It is Asian in origin and has intricate carvings all over it.  It is truly beautiful...and unwieldy and HUGE so I, naturally, appropriated it to serve food. It covers the entire center of the table and I rigged up a way to turn it into a Lazy Susan and it spins (you'll need to mind the stemware when it spins please.  Lesson learned!) and I can load it up and not have to worry about passing things.  It is also a big hit on taco and fondue nights!  

The salad was a home run recipe (Thank you, Barefoot Contessa) and I was in the kitchen long enough to sear tuna for 4 minutes.  The rest of the salad was do ahead and served at room temperature.  We laughed and carried on and had a fantastic time being together.

There is great joy for me in entertaining those that I love.  Cooking food (quality time) is my purest love language and I take pleasure in feeding those around me and, even if for a few moments, can bring them to a place of being totally sated; full of food, drink, conversation, and love.

I am currently packing for an extended vacation that involves water, the boat, lots of good family time, and some precious down time.  When I return, I'll have lots of good photos and hopefully (fingers crossed) some veggies coming in out in the garden.  Until then, call your girlfriends and go have a lunch or dinner or cocktail hour together.  You won't regret it.  

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  1. You speak the truth, my friend....and I do consider you one! I have found as I have aged, that I do not 'need' everyone's friendship and that I should not waste my time trying to convince someone they should be my friend. I have also found through the beauty of FB thatthose that I may not have considered friends at an earlier time in our lives are even more so now. (Does that make sense?)And as much as my husband and children sustain me, there is nothing like a night out with friends who "get" you and love you for who you are. It refreshes the soul in a way few things can.

  2. Lovely post! So very, very glad that we reconnected!